The best muffins ever

It's a shame most Americans demand food out of season. They have no idea what jewels of culinary delight they are missing! We have discovered many delicious foods when we have been forced to think outside our cultural food box. Because our chickens are no longer laying, we are rationing eggs, which means I am looking for eggless recipes. I was in the mood for chocolate chip muffins today and recalled having seen such a recipe in a food-magazine ad last month. I found the ad and examined the recipe. First of all, it called for two disgusting non-natural products, which are not even in my kitchen. Second, it called for two sticks of margarine, which no self-respecting cook would use in baked goods. Third, I gasped at the thought of a whole cup of pure fat. Was the recipe author in cahoots with a cardiologist group? So, it needed some work. Here is my resulting recipe:

Antiquity Oaks Chocolate Chip Muffins

• 3 cups unbleached flour
• 1/3 cup sugar
• 2 T. baking powder
• 1 stick butter
• 1 1/2 cups goat milk
• 1/2 cup dark chocolate chips
• 1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
• 1/2 cup milk chocolate chips

Mix together the flour, sugar, and baking powder. Using unbleached flour is healthier (no bleaching residue) and gives muffins a more golden glow after baking. Cut in a stick of butter, using a pastry blender, which is that thingie in the upper left corner of the photo. Add the milk and stir. For those of you without a goat, you can use whole cow milk. The dough will look a little looser than cookie dough, but definitely won't look like your typical muffin batter.

Don't overmix it, because you still need to add the chocolate chips, which will, of course, mean that you have to stir a little more to get the chips properly distributed. If you are lacking one or more of the different types of chocolate chips, don't worry. Just make sure the total amount of chips equals 1 1/2 cups. You probably noticed there is not a lot of sugar in this recipe, so you need the chocolate chips for sweetness.

Put the batter into your muffin pan. It will be heaping, which is totally unlike most muffin recipes where you fill the cups 1/2 to 2/3 full. With so much flour and no egg, these muffins are heavy duty, so don't expect them to melt and spread out.

Bake at 400 degrees F for 20 minutes. These muffins are absolutely the most delicious thing created since the invention of the oven! Okay, that's just my humble opinion. On a scale of 1 to 10, Jonathan apologetically gave them a 7.5, and Katherine gave them an 8.5. Why? Jonathan didn't think the batter was sweet enough. It is true that the batter is not sweet, which is why there is such a ridiculous amount of chocolate chips. If there were any more sugar in the muffins, they'd make most mere mortals puke. (He's a teenage boy, which puts him in a completely different class of eater.) Katherine actually missed the eggy taste of traditional muffins. I, on the other hand, loved the missing eggs and lower sugar. It really highlights the buttery flavor. The muffin tops are also crispy-crunchy, which added another level of sensory deliciousness to the whole experience.

So, this is my holiday gift to you, regardless of which winter holidays you celebrate! Food plays a big part in all the winter holidays, no doubt because the rest of the world is so dreary. (Hmm, at least in the northern hemisphere.) So, whether you're tromping through the snow or lounging on the beaches down under, Enjoy!